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A good nurse is more important than a doctor.
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.
You can make everything dirty without making anything clean.
Never let doctors know that you know more than they do.
Any action for which there is no logical explanation should be considered "hospital policy".
Unexpected interruptions in your workload always coincide with unexpected patient emergencies.
The friendliest and most cooperative patient is always in the same room as the most belligerent patient.
If the patient, despite the doctor's advice, still lights a cigarette, his roommate will have to give oxygen.
A good vein is always on the other arm.
1. It always falls out to work with the doctor you least like.
2. If you made a mistake in the presence of a doctor, then during the current working day you will probably encounter this doctor at least three more times.
3. A colleague with whom you do not get along will be made a boss.
1. All patients who need intravenous fluids are at the other end of the corridor.
2. The talent of a doctor is inversely proportional to his willingness to help in patient care.
3. There are two types of adhesive plaster: the first cannot be glued, the second cannot be torn off.
4. All patients require an anesthetic injection at the same time.
5. Anyone who did not want pain relief at the moment when you walked through the ward and gave the appropriate injections will require it when you distribute sleeping pills.
Any bandage that has been cut to the correct length will be too short.
If something is too short, no matter how much you cut it, it won't get longer.
Sizes and quantities will always be expressed in the most obscure units.
The only time you allow a relaxation in security procedures will be the only time that things go wrong as a result.
If you are not sure what dosage your doctor has prescribed and have not rechecked it, then be sure to choose the wrong dosage.
If you double-check your doctor's order, the dosage you intend to choose turns out to be correct.
Pain relievers, which are prescribed to be given as needed, are never given when they are actually needed.
Never tell a patient, "I'm new to this business."
If the MRI machine is configured for the left shoulder, the next patient will need an image of the right shoulder.
The distance from the hospital to the origin of the call increases as the time remaining until the end of the shift decreases.
The shortest distance between the ambulance station and the patient's residence is the highway, which is now closed for repairs.
1. The probability of a patient's survival is inversely proportional to his social value.
2. If the patient has more than two tattoos, he will never die, especially if one of them is a crookedly pricked cross or a swastika.
3. Blood alcohol levels exceeding 3.0 ppm provide temporary immortality.
In any hospital merger, the resulting medical facility will provide the worst level and quality of service.
1. The larger the company under the auspices of which the hospital falls, the less attention is paid to the personnel of that hospital.
2. When bosses say that no job will be lost, they are lying.
Assume that all field crews are idiots until their actions disprove this assumption.
Assume that all dispatchers are complete idiots until their actions disprove this assumption.
Compliance with the rules will not get the job done.
Getting the job done doesn't justify breaking the rules.
